Talking to Crazy How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life

In this week’s episode of Your Best Life, Karl interviews Dr. Mark Goulston, who is a psychiatrist, hostage negotiator, trainer, and one of the top experts on listening. Mark has been a crisis psychiatrist for 30 years, has been a UCLA professor of Psychiatry for 25 years. and a fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. During this episode, Karl and Dr. Goulston discuss ideology and communication, mental real estate, hacking Steve Jobs, losing warmth, and breaking the cycle.

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Main Questions Asked:

  • How do we get people to have a civil discourse and set aside talking points?
  • What drove the change in our culture, and what is missing in parts of society?
  • How do we to break the cycle?

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Key Lessons Learned:

Ideology and Communication

  • Healing the world one conversation at a time is about how to facilitate people talking with each other and listening.
  • As the flow of communication has gotten easier, the net impact has been the ability for people to cluster around their ideology.
  • The world has turned transactional, and the challenge when dealing with an ideology is that you can’t beat it or solve it with a transactional solution.
  • There needs to be a transcendent solution that rises above it, because ideology rises above transaction to belief and fanaticism.

The Current State of Society

  • We have become addicted to getting more sooner, and most people know it won’t make you happy or bring you joy but rather bring transitory excitement.
  • Settling for less later feels like it will make us miserable.
  • If there is a way to identify people who might be feeling injustice and humiliated, and recognize the signs, we may overt events such as school shootings.

Mental Real Estate

  • The key to being successful at marketing is by asking, “What is the least you can say that can cause people to ask ‘What is that?’“
  • Mental real estate is finding something with an emotional charge, repurposing it, and own it.
  • For example, ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ owns the word ‘pirates’ in the minds of children.

Losing your Warmth

  • A lot of women have traded in warmth to be project managers of the home.
  • The kindness of a man is a distant second to the warmth of a woman.
  • Warmth isn’t rushed. When someone is in pain or fear, they firstly want warmth, then when calmed, seek a solution.
  • Dr. Goulston believes tenderness is about to be extinct and reserved for the aging, young children, and dying animals.

Breaking the Cycle

  • When someone vents, they need to get the issues off their chest and for you to take the hit so they don’t strike out at someone else.
  • Move into the person’s flow of energy and redirect it using the FUDN technique
  • Let the person vent and literally lean in to them when they pause.
  • Keep looking them in the eye and say, “You really sound frustrated about something; what is that about?”
  • Conversation deepeners help them get the words out.
  • Ask them, “Now what?”

The FUDN Technique

  • Frustrated
  • Upset
  • Disappointed
  • Now What?

Health and Wellness Tips

  • A lot of people who don’t like to diet and exercise often fall off the wagon after having a close encounter of the worst kind.
  • Make a list of all the people that give you energy and inspire you on the left side of a sheet of paper.
  • On the right side, list the people and situations that drain and exhaust you.
  • In the next 30 days, make a commitment to increase the interactions with the people on the left side that give you energy and minimize the interactions with people on the right side.
  • This will make it easier to stick with a diet and exercise, and to cut your losses with negative people.
  • The more time you spend with the positive people in your life, the more physiologically repulsive the negative people will be.
  • One of the tragedies in life is to have difficult people suck the life out of you so much that you fail to acknowledge, appreciate, and thank the good people.
  • Thinking of people who you can thank will make you less fearful and angry.

 

Thank you for listening!

wellness.com

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